Saturday, May 25, 2013

It's been awhile since I've written anything here so I figured I should do that today.

I recently decided for personal reasons to go vegetarian.  Not completely vegan, mind you - I still eat some free range eggs and a small bit of dairy.  But I no longer eat meat.  I'm happy with my decision, I feel really great.  I have not forced my children to come on the same journey.  They are still free to eat meat.  Cecilia doesn't eat much meat at all, except the odd pepperoni stick....but then she was semi-vegetarian before.  Garyn still likes meat that doesn't resemble meat.  Bacon, salami, bologna etc....but he's had no problem with my vegetarian suppers and has been asking a lot of questions about how the meat gets to his table and wants me to ensure that any meat he eats from now on is organically grown and humanely slaughtered.  This doesn't surprise me, I'm actually surprised that he wasn't the first to go veggie - he hates the suffering of animals.  In fact he watched I Am Legend and loved the whole zombie/gore parts.....but when Will Smith had to strangle his own dog who had been bit by a zombie.....he had to turn it off.

But my God.....I think if I had walked into the center of Jessup County Mississippi and announced that I was gay and denouncing Christ.....I would have been less judged for a lifestyle choice!

I'm not doing this TO anyone.  I'm not asking anyone to do it with me.  I don't care what you eat, why do people care so much what I'm eating?....or more....what I'm not eating.  I haven't changed anything else.  I'm not throwing blood on actresses wearing fur or standing outside laboratories with picket signs about animal testing.   Heck.....half the time I forget to bring my reusable bags to the store!...I don't even recycle properly.....or buy organic!  I just don't want to eat meat.....and you want to know why I don't want to eat meat?.....it really has nothing to do with animal suffering, or the living conditions on factory farms, or even the fact that I want to be a practicing Buddhist...the truth is......I like to eat.....and if I take the calories of meat out of the equation....I can eat more food....that's it.....that's the whole reason I started this journey....so I could shove more food in my face and not get fatter!

Why is everyone so concerned about my protein intake?......breast milk only contains 5% protein and is meant to be the entire source of nutrition for a babies first year.....if God made 5% ok for a brain and body mass that grows exponentially in that first year.....why wouldn't it be ok for me?.......and quite frankly the statistics on cancer rates and heart disease, are deal sealing for me. 

Recently I was out at my parents cabin and they had a large dinner for family and friends.....I ate the grilled veggies my mom was kind enough to provide for me......a number of people sat there slobbering over their ribs and bacon saying "mmmm.....doesn't this make you wish you could eat this?".......No......no it doesn't.

Vegetarianism is not a popular choice in Alberta it would seem.  But that's ok, every time I go out to a restaurant to eat from now on, I will wear a t-shirt that says NDP Forever.....no one will notice that I didn't order the steak.....

Sunday, March 3, 2013

It is blizzarding pretty good outside today.  So it's a good day to stay in and eat tuna melts and watch the Untold Stories of the E.R. marathon that happens to be on.  We're very fortunate to have these things like televisions, and Wi-Fi...it makes for a much more relaxing and entertaining apocalypse.

I'm also grateful that the roofers finished my new roof yesterday afternoon, that was good timing.

I'm currently reading How Full is Your Bucket.  The story of how negativity is killing us.  So I'm focusing on the positive.  It's Sunday, there is nothing urgent that needs doing, and a new episode of The Walking Dead is on tonight.  I'd say life is pretty good.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

It is Valentine's Day today so I'm making sure I give a proper shout out to Dexter, who showed up at my work today with a beautiful card and to take me for sushi.  He's a keeper.

Many years ago a close friend of mine said that the right guy was worth waiting for, that she had to go through a lot of duds to find the right one but that it was worth it - I thought it was a lot of blah blah blah that only applied to people lucky in love.  I had never been.

When I met Dexter, he was just as bitter about the whole thing as I was - which probably made us a good match even back then - both cynical, and convinced everything was destined to fall apart - as a result, I think we both just figured you be you and I'm going to be me - neither of us bothered trying to impress or do things to try and convince the other to stick around.  In a way, I think it was a blessing for both of us to have been through failed relationships and to be bitter like that - when you figure love isn't for you or isn't going to happen for you - you become pretty good at weaning out the fakes - you just don't put up with anything that isn't working for you.  Your standards get impeccably high.  After two years we pulled our heads out of the sand (or our asses if you prefer) and realized maybe we had something good all along.  After all, I had let all my issues out of the bag all the way along....like crumbs on a path....he took them all on with curious interest rather than disgust or horror.  We both realized it was working and that maybe it was worth hanging on to.  We probably put in more of an effort now to impress and to convince each other we're worth sticking it out for than we ever did in the beginning "honeymoon" stage.

We're actually perfect for each other.....we're both really hard to be in relationships with.....so we're probably best off to be in one together.

My friend was right - it's worth waiting for.  To have someone accept you and to have your back and think you are the bee's knees is a pretty good feeling and it's nice to not want to kill each other wishing they would shut their pie hole......and other toxic relationship things I may or may not have experienced in my life....

He keeps me from becoming Crazy Cat Woman and I keep him from becoming the Uni-Bomber....truly a match made in heaven.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

I sat through a tattoo today that I had booked a three hour sitting for.  By the time he was done I felt quite sure we were well over the time, my arm was burning and I was about ready to bail.....turns about when I got in my car - only 2 hours had passed and that included the time it took for him to draw it and prepare his gun and inks AND pay for it!  I'm getting wimpy in my old age - my skin is probably getting thin and frail in it's old age.  My sister told me today she's been diagnosed with menopause.  I like that she used the word diagnosed....like it requires a fund raising 5K run.  She's only two years older than me!

Garyn turns 13 on Monday.  I will officially have two teenagers in the house.  I'd ask where the time went - but it's pretty clear its sliding off my face.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

35 Things I Never Thought I Would Find Myself Thinking or Doing That Are Now Almost a Daily Occurrence:

1.  Taking horse sized pills.
2.  Not only having a rice cooker, but talking about how much I like it in mixed company
3.  Staring at a remote control in confusion
4.  Eating cottage cheese
5.  Choosing underwear that's comfortable
6.  Laying on my back and feeling my boobs fall into my arm pits
7.  Walking into a room and thinking "what did I come in here for?".
8.  Saying "this room looks like it's been shot at and hit".
9.  Sitting through parent teacher interviews with teachers that are 15 years younger than me.
10.Choosing dental coverage over an iPhone
11.Being in a book club.....and thinking it's awesome.
12.Being the mother of teenagers.
13.Watching a car go by and thinking "he needs to slow down before he kills someone".
14.Typing this blog post and suddenly realizing I have my mother's hands.
15.Holding a bucket for someone to vomit into, without gagging myself
16.Craving tea
17.Thinking about retirement.
18. Walking by Ramen noodles at the supermarket without purchasing them.
19.Thinking "kids these days" about 20-something year olds.
20.Looking at my bare ass in the mirror and thinking "you know, it could be worse".
21.Having a cubicle as an office
22.Purchasing anything by Oil of Olay.
23.Being the person responsible for assembling the Christmas tree
24.Being concerned over my family's "regularity".
25.Talking about my back pain (shoulder pain, knee pain, neck pain etc).
26.Hanging my towel over a towel rack
27.Thinking about cupboard space
28.Thinking of my mother as "wise"
29. Saying out loud "oh I can't eat that, it will give me gas".
30.Not liking the music too loud
31.No longer being able to think of anyone, worth paying money to see in concert.
32.Putting practical things on a Christmas list
33.Reading Maclean's magazine
34.Being the head of an entire household
35.Having the confidence to start a blog

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I've noticed a trend lately in people posting statuses on their Facebook page about the journey and search for joy.  I have respect for anyone that sees their life as journey and that growth of any kind is being seeked out.  I can't even criticize the fact that Buddhism appears to be the current Lu Lu Lemon of religions.  However, I wonder how the whole thing about joy is really playing out.  It seems like it takes a lot of work and a lot of daily constant reminders to one's self. - it just seems harder than it should be.

I've found in life that the best course of action for me, is to search for contentment.  Contentment maybe doesn't feel as good as joy, but it comes with it an inherent ability to be resilient against the less than joyous emotions that plagues us in life.  Like grief and sadness and frustration.  I don't think finding enlightenment means finding joy - I think it means finding an acceptance and being at peace with the fact that there are bad things in life, and suffering - but you are content with who you are, where you are and who you are with and that you will make it past the suffering.  Contentment comes with knowledge and wisdom and inner strength.  Joy just seems to come with foreboding that it's soon to be over and you'll have to start the search all over again.  It seems almost stressful.  I've noticed in the facebook statuses that I've been reading there is a bit of an air of clinging and reaching.....almost begging for the ability to find it and hang on to it by finding joy in mundane moments, instead of realizing that contentment is so much easier to achieve and isn't settling for less than happiness.  Contentment is happiness - it's saying I take the good and the bad and I'm ok, I accept that there is no such thing as perfect, this moment is enough.  Contentment doesn't mean you are just giving up and accepting your fate grudgingly - quite the opposite.  I just means you aren't going to be selfish with your emotions and decide that only joy is worth looking for.  That other emotions are less worthy of sitting with and fully experiencing.

The Dali Lama speaks of inner peace far more than he ever speaks about joy.  Inner peace is contentment.  In Buddhism, inner peace equals enlightenment which is what all Buddhist's are to be trying to achieve.

I think seeking joy is an exercise in disappointment.  Joy is fleeting - flighty.  Contentment can be carried with you even through harder times, because it's an acceptance that life isn't always going to be easy and fun, but it's ok and you'll get through and a knowledge that you have what you need to get you through.

Also, being content, is much easier than being joyful all the time....the world is full of people and events that will suck joy right out of you - sucking your inner peace and contentment out of you is much harder.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

So far today I cleaned the bathrooms, did 4 loads of laundry, dumped 4 loads of laundry on my bed as a "reminder" to put it away before I go to bed, washed the dishes (twice), picked up dog poop from the back yard, most of it frozen solid to the ground requiring kicking it with my boot to loosen it up, took out 2 bags of garbage, and a load of recycling, changed the cat litter, caught up some wor...k emails, vacuumed, made dinner, made a shepard's pie to freeze for another dinner, let the dog out 27 times, let the dog back in 27 times, ran on the treadmill, opened my daughter's bedroom door to look for dirty towels, closed my daughter's bedroom door in disgust, helped the boy write a letter to Mother Goose about the shody structural framework of the Three Pigs houses for his science homework and a write about what God wants from us for a religion project, despite me being a Buddhist, picked up dirty socks from my son's bedroom floor AND bathroom floor, AND from beneath the computer, saw Shawshank was on TV turned to it and walked away, hoping Cecilia would walk by think to herself "what's this?" and watch it....she didn't.....took chicken out for tomorrow's dinner which will likely not be eaten by Cecilia, watched an episode of Swamp Wars and one of J-Woww and Snooki, had a mad craving for junk food and placated it with 3 tbsps. of Cool Whip over blueberries and wished the blueberries were nachos covered in sour cream, and the Cool Whip was chocolate covered almonds, tried to download Sarah's Key to my TV, without success and realized I didn't have to because Cecilia changed her mind about watching it with me anyways...changed Sarah's Key to The Possession and hope I go to bed (after putting away the 4 loads of laundry on my bed) completely freaked and terrified......I really do love Saturdays, it's the only day of the week I can step on my kitchen floor without saying "eww what was that?"....and also the only day of the week Garyn's bathroom is safe for guests to use.....there is a sense of accomplishment in a...well let's not go as far as to say clean....but skimmed with a dust rag and somewhat decent looking house!.
 
Saturdays are busy and hectic, but I feel a sense of ownership over the day - like it's mine and I can do with it as I please.  For some reason when a day is mine, I get more done.  When it's scheduled for it, I feel like I have had no time and nothing has been done.  During the week, I stay just as busy, there is certainly less time to sit down - but I never feel like I'm getting anywhere.  Often I just sit down, I look at the clock and realize its bedtime.  So weekend's are nice, I like having a kitchen table you can eat off of and not have to clear away papers and folders and school projects just to have a bowl of cereal.
 
Yes. Weekend's are awesome.