Tuesday, May 5, 2015

I'm not going to write a whole blah blah blah about the importance of voting on this Provincial election day.....You either vote or you don't....and besides I already had my rant about it on Facebook.  But I will say that I am very sad that I changed my vote for the first time in 34 years of voting eligibility.  But I felt I had no choice - I don't delude myself into thinking my voice was heard, but at least I didn't cast a ballot for a party I only believe in because I've always voted that way.

Or something like that - maybe it was spiteful vote......I think in reality my parents were always PC because they were entrepreneurs and had money so they liked the new taxes and conservative spending on programs they didn't need, so I just naturally was a PC without even really thinking about it.........but I've spend most of my adult years fighting to keep my head above poverty.....now that I've done that, I realize how much those programs mean to those that use them.....and that perhaps the rich should be a bit more charitable in their thinking.....Of course I realize you worked hard to make that money....I've worked hard for every penny I have too and I definitely don't want to spend my money supporting people that are capable yet don't do anything to help themselves.....but that isn't most of the people that need services.

Most people in need of services are trying the best they can....not everyone has the resources to secure a student loan and go to school.....and yes some have made poor life choices to get where they are....but I've made a few of my own poor life choices that landed me in need of services....and I'm a hard working, non-drug using, non-panhandling, working parent - so I know first hand the stigma that goes with that, and just what kind of people we are talking about and one bad apple may spoil a bunch of apples, but it doesn't always work that way with people.  While I was an apple I saw one or two bad ones, but I also saw a lot of perfectly edible ones....ok that's not the best analogy maybe....but you know what I mean.

Anyways.....go vote - but make sure you at least read your party's platform before you do so you know what exactly you are voting for, not just who or what party....

Friday, May 1, 2015

I sent the girl off to New York on Tuesday with her school choir.....she texted me an awe inspiring picture from the top of the Empire State Building that night....I think she's having a great time there.  I'm glad I could help give her that experience.  She had to get a job to pay for half of the trip and I paid the other half....she's still working at the same job even though she paid me back her half months ago.  I didn't work when I was in school - I think I missed out on a lot not having that experience of earning my own money until I got a lot older.  The boy had an interview at the movie theaters on Wednesday but we're not sure if he got that job yet.....Thursday he went to the Stampede hiring fare and got a job for the duration of Stampede - so at least he'll have an opportunity to earn some money this summer even if it isn't his dream job of watching movies for free.

They are growing up and that's really hard....I wanted to go into the interview with him and explain his answers.....kind of like when you watch a interview with some celebrity that has his lawyer sitting next to him telling him what to answer and what not to.....but that would probably not help him get the job anymore than when he answered "sleep" to what he likes to do in his spare time.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

There is something very remarkable about 2015 so far for me.  Normally I attach a theme to my year about something I want to work on or towards.  This year I didn't do that for some reason....I think I know why now......it seems like every morning I wake up and there is something changed in my life.  Apparently I was in a rut and the Universe has decided to push me out of it.  Some of the changes I have resisted....obviously I wasn't pleased that it became time to put Bentley down....and the loss of my friend was very hard (that one will sting for awhile)....Normally I resist most changes....but this year I've found myself embracing a lot of the changes.  I think it was time to get out of my comfort zone......the interesting thing is....each day and with each change, I feel more and more like I'm being lead somewhere to some destination down the path that I can't see yet.  But it definitely feels like there is a purpose to all the changes....which is probably why so many of them I have just shrugged off and haven't hung on with the same level of attachment to sameness and familiarity that I usually do.

I think its good timing to start to embrace change more....I'm staring down the barrel of no longer having two teenagers at home.  Already I find I have a lot more alone time with them working and having social lives and doing all the things teenagers should do (except learning to drive, which would really help me out!)....All those years I cherished and wanted just a few minutes of alone time, and now I have tonnes of it.....so its probably good for me to find some ways to fill that time....so I've requested more files and am signing up for my next CAIB course, and will probably take some business courses as well.....and I might even get even further our of my comfort zone and do some traveling....I have no idea where I'm being lead, but it just feels like its towards something I don't yet know that I want....but when I get there, I'll know it.

Sunday, April 26, 2015

Recent events have got me thinking that perhaps its time to revive my blog.  A very dear friend, and fellow blogger past away last weekend suddenly and very unexpectedly.  Its made me realize that when you love to do something - you should do it.  Yes, I have many other things going on in my life and finding the time for writing is hard.  I don't get paid for it, very few people read it, it doesn't make my children's life better, or help them with their school work or get them to choir practice.  Me writing a blog doesn't get dinner cooked or the house cleaned or my studying or work done.  But, its something that I do enjoy, like photography and I find when I do make time for it - its rewarding.....
I think I need to find a place for it in my schedule again.

But quietly at first.....I don't plan on announcing anything......I'm not quite ready for anyone to start reading it again yet.

To catch you up on a few things since my last post, which was May 2013! I see that a few things have happened in my life since then.

A year after getting my insurance license, I went into my boss's office to tell him I wanted to take on some more challenges and maybe reach some new heights in my career.....I'm bad for staying in a safe zone and really not stretching myself - feel of failure I guess - but I felt really ready.....he told me he was selling the company!  So when the new owners came in to meet with us - I saw it as an opportunity and sold myself to them as someone worthy of a promotion.  As a result - I wound up in a great position with them, with more money and the possibilities are amazing.  I have my own private office and lots of leadership opportunities.  I was just talking to my new boss the other day.  She said that there are lots of high level leadership roles coming up that she thinks I would be good for and I told her to groom me for whatever she thinks I will be the best fit doing.  Its scary too - there is a big risk of falling on my ass, but then there is this possibility that I will do just fine - even great.  So there is that.

Dexter (who it turns out didn't like being called that) and I split up recently.  It was him who finally pulled the plug on us, It was super sketchy, and I'm pretty sure he had met someone else.....and when he said the words - I'm sorry, I know this sounds terrible.....but it was just such a relief for me.  I don't think my heart had ever really been in it....I had tried, but the casual nature we started from, was always where I wanted to keep it and despite his efforts to move it forward, it was just never going to happen on my part.  There were just too many things about him that didn't fit with what my picture was....not that he was particularly flawed, he just wasn't what I wanted for a partnership.  I feel bad that I wasted so many years of his life on my own selfish desire for a temporary playmate while I raised my kids.....someone that would always be on the fringes of my life and never in it.  But I also never promised him anything more.  I offered to try with baby steps, but the more I tried, the more I felt smothered and unhappy.

I had no intention of blending families or getting married or living with someone during the years my kids were growing.  He was always polite to my kids and that was appreciated....but I never really allowed him to be a part of their lives because inside I knew he wasn't going to around forever....I wish him well in his journey and I apologize if I took up too much of his time, when he could have been looking for someone that was right for him....I don't blame him a bit for finally moving on...I'm content with letting him think he left me heartbroken and abandoned....I think he kind of needed that...so I hope he doesn't read this and realize the truth!...but then again, he always said sparing someone's feelings by not telling the truth did that person a disservice...I just don't see what good it would do him to know......I don't feel anything bad towards him, nor do I really feel anything mushy and good either really.....just kind of indifferent to the whole thing.....which should have been a hint eh?.........life always provides opportunities for lessons and the lesson I take is that when it isn't right....don't waste your time or someone else's time trying to make it right.

On another, completely unrelated note: I just had my bathrooms renovated - a very expensive project that I feel good about now that its done...but wow was it hard to spend the money!  My en suite is now decadent and luxurious....if I had room I'd put in a couch and reading lamp and spend all my time in there.

We had to put our lovely pooch Bentley down - he was ancient and full of cancer - poor dear.  He was such a beautiful soul and is missed by us all.  I had the privilege of laying next to him with my face against his face as he took his last breath.....it made me even more determined that euthanasia needs to be a human right too.....but that is for another blog post....

I bought myself my first ever brand new car last year.....its a Jetta and the greatest car I've ever driven....although I got a crack in my windshield this winter which makes me mad!....its great though, and I love the leather interior (although a little hot on the bum in summer)...black is hard to keep clean just like everyone warned me....but it just looks so damn good when it is clean.

My kids continue to be wonderful....now 15 and 17. They also continue to drive me crazy with their laziness and uncleanliness....but meh....they are worth it.

There has been some vacations in there, and some other life stuff happenings, but nothing earth shattering or note worthy I can think of right now.

I think I have lots of things to write about.....there are things percolating as I type...stay tuned to see if I do it or not!

Saturday, May 25, 2013

It's been awhile since I've written anything here so I figured I should do that today.

I recently decided for personal reasons to go vegetarian.  Not completely vegan, mind you - I still eat some free range eggs and a small bit of dairy.  But I no longer eat meat.  I'm happy with my decision, I feel really great.  I have not forced my children to come on the same journey.  They are still free to eat meat.  Cecilia doesn't eat much meat at all, except the odd pepperoni stick....but then she was semi-vegetarian before.  Garyn still likes meat that doesn't resemble meat.  Bacon, salami, bologna etc....but he's had no problem with my vegetarian suppers and has been asking a lot of questions about how the meat gets to his table and wants me to ensure that any meat he eats from now on is organically grown and humanely slaughtered.  This doesn't surprise me, I'm actually surprised that he wasn't the first to go veggie - he hates the suffering of animals.  In fact he watched I Am Legend and loved the whole zombie/gore parts.....but when Will Smith had to strangle his own dog who had been bit by a zombie.....he had to turn it off.

But my God.....I think if I had walked into the center of Jessup County Mississippi and announced that I was gay and denouncing Christ.....I would have been less judged for a lifestyle choice!

I'm not doing this TO anyone.  I'm not asking anyone to do it with me.  I don't care what you eat, why do people care so much what I'm eating?....or more....what I'm not eating.  I haven't changed anything else.  I'm not throwing blood on actresses wearing fur or standing outside laboratories with picket signs about animal testing.   Heck.....half the time I forget to bring my reusable bags to the store!...I don't even recycle properly.....or buy organic!  I just don't want to eat meat.....and you want to know why I don't want to eat meat?.....it really has nothing to do with animal suffering, or the living conditions on factory farms, or even the fact that I want to be a practicing Buddhist...the truth is......I like to eat.....and if I take the calories of meat out of the equation....I can eat more food....that's it.....that's the whole reason I started this journey....so I could shove more food in my face and not get fatter!

Why is everyone so concerned about my protein intake?......breast milk only contains 5% protein and is meant to be the entire source of nutrition for a babies first year.....if God made 5% ok for a brain and body mass that grows exponentially in that first year.....why wouldn't it be ok for me?.......and quite frankly the statistics on cancer rates and heart disease, are deal sealing for me. 

Recently I was out at my parents cabin and they had a large dinner for family and friends.....I ate the grilled veggies my mom was kind enough to provide for me......a number of people sat there slobbering over their ribs and bacon saying "mmmm.....doesn't this make you wish you could eat this?".......No......no it doesn't.

Vegetarianism is not a popular choice in Alberta it would seem.  But that's ok, every time I go out to a restaurant to eat from now on, I will wear a t-shirt that says NDP Forever.....no one will notice that I didn't order the steak.....

Sunday, March 3, 2013

It is blizzarding pretty good outside today.  So it's a good day to stay in and eat tuna melts and watch the Untold Stories of the E.R. marathon that happens to be on.  We're very fortunate to have these things like televisions, and Wi-Fi...it makes for a much more relaxing and entertaining apocalypse.

I'm also grateful that the roofers finished my new roof yesterday afternoon, that was good timing.

I'm currently reading How Full is Your Bucket.  The story of how negativity is killing us.  So I'm focusing on the positive.  It's Sunday, there is nothing urgent that needs doing, and a new episode of The Walking Dead is on tonight.  I'd say life is pretty good.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

It is Valentine's Day today so I'm making sure I give a proper shout out to Dexter, who showed up at my work today with a beautiful card and to take me for sushi.  He's a keeper.

Many years ago a close friend of mine said that the right guy was worth waiting for, that she had to go through a lot of duds to find the right one but that it was worth it - I thought it was a lot of blah blah blah that only applied to people lucky in love.  I had never been.

When I met Dexter, he was just as bitter about the whole thing as I was - which probably made us a good match even back then - both cynical, and convinced everything was destined to fall apart - as a result, I think we both just figured you be you and I'm going to be me - neither of us bothered trying to impress or do things to try and convince the other to stick around.  In a way, I think it was a blessing for both of us to have been through failed relationships and to be bitter like that - when you figure love isn't for you or isn't going to happen for you - you become pretty good at weaning out the fakes - you just don't put up with anything that isn't working for you.  Your standards get impeccably high.  After two years we pulled our heads out of the sand (or our asses if you prefer) and realized maybe we had something good all along.  After all, I had let all my issues out of the bag all the way along....like crumbs on a path....he took them all on with curious interest rather than disgust or horror.  We both realized it was working and that maybe it was worth hanging on to.  We probably put in more of an effort now to impress and to convince each other we're worth sticking it out for than we ever did in the beginning "honeymoon" stage.

We're actually perfect for each other.....we're both really hard to be in relationships with.....so we're probably best off to be in one together.

My friend was right - it's worth waiting for.  To have someone accept you and to have your back and think you are the bee's knees is a pretty good feeling and it's nice to not want to kill each other wishing they would shut their pie hole......and other toxic relationship things I may or may not have experienced in my life....

He keeps me from becoming Crazy Cat Woman and I keep him from becoming the Uni-Bomber....truly a match made in heaven.