Sunday, March 3, 2013

It is blizzarding pretty good outside today.  So it's a good day to stay in and eat tuna melts and watch the Untold Stories of the E.R. marathon that happens to be on.  We're very fortunate to have these things like televisions, and makes for a much more relaxing and entertaining apocalypse.

I'm also grateful that the roofers finished my new roof yesterday afternoon, that was good timing.

I'm currently reading How Full is Your Bucket.  The story of how negativity is killing us.  So I'm focusing on the positive.  It's Sunday, there is nothing urgent that needs doing, and a new episode of The Walking Dead is on tonight.  I'd say life is pretty good.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

I sat through a tattoo today that I had booked a three hour sitting for.  By the time he was done I felt quite sure we were well over the time, my arm was burning and I was about ready to bail.....turns about when I got in my car - only 2 hours had passed and that included the time it took for him to draw it and prepare his gun and inks AND pay for it!  I'm getting wimpy in my old age - my skin is probably getting thin and frail in it's old age.  My sister told me today she's been diagnosed with menopause.  I like that she used the word it requires a fund raising 5K run.  She's only two years older than me!

Garyn turns 13 on Monday.  I will officially have two teenagers in the house.  I'd ask where the time went - but it's pretty clear its sliding off my face.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

35 Things I Never Thought I Would Find Myself Thinking or Doing That Are Now Almost a Daily Occurrence:

1.  Taking horse sized pills.
2.  Not only having a rice cooker, but talking about how much I like it in mixed company
3.  Staring at a remote control in confusion
4.  Eating cottage cheese
5.  Choosing underwear that's comfortable
6.  Laying on my back and feeling my boobs fall into my arm pits
7.  Walking into a room and thinking "what did I come in here for?".
8.  Saying "this room looks like it's been shot at and hit".
9.  Sitting through parent teacher interviews with teachers that are 15 years younger than me.
10.Choosing dental coverage over an iPhone
11.Being in a book club.....and thinking it's awesome.
12.Being the mother of teenagers.
13.Watching a car go by and thinking "he needs to slow down before he kills someone".
14.Typing this blog post and suddenly realizing I have my mother's hands.
15.Holding a bucket for someone to vomit into, without gagging myself
16.Craving tea
17.Thinking about retirement.
18. Walking by Ramen noodles at the supermarket without purchasing them.
19.Thinking "kids these days" about 20-something year olds.
20.Looking at my bare ass in the mirror and thinking "you know, it could be worse".
21.Having a cubicle as an office
22.Purchasing anything by Oil of Olay.
23.Being the person responsible for assembling the Christmas tree
24.Being concerned over my family's "regularity".
25.Talking about my back pain (shoulder pain, knee pain, neck pain etc).
26.Hanging my towel over a towel rack
27.Thinking about cupboard space
28.Thinking of my mother as "wise"
29. Saying out loud "oh I can't eat that, it will give me gas".
30.Not liking the music too loud
31.No longer being able to think of anyone, worth paying money to see in concert.
32.Putting practical things on a Christmas list
33.Reading Maclean's magazine
34.Being the head of an entire household
35.Having the confidence to start a blog

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I've noticed a trend lately in people posting statuses on their Facebook page about the journey and search for joy.  I have respect for anyone that sees their life as journey and that growth of any kind is being seeked out.  I can't even criticize the fact that Buddhism appears to be the current Lu Lu Lemon of religions.  However, I wonder how the whole thing about joy is really playing out.  It seems like it takes a lot of work and a lot of daily constant reminders to one's self. - it just seems harder than it should be.

I've found in life that the best course of action for me, is to search for contentment.  Contentment maybe doesn't feel as good as joy, but it comes with it an inherent ability to be resilient against the less than joyous emotions that plagues us in life.  Like grief and sadness and frustration.  I don't think finding enlightenment means finding joy - I think it means finding an acceptance and being at peace with the fact that there are bad things in life, and suffering - but you are content with who you are, where you are and who you are with and that you will make it past the suffering.  Contentment comes with knowledge and wisdom and inner strength.  Joy just seems to come with foreboding that it's soon to be over and you'll have to start the search all over again.  It seems almost stressful.  I've noticed in the facebook statuses that I've been reading there is a bit of an air of clinging and reaching.....almost begging for the ability to find it and hang on to it by finding joy in mundane moments, instead of realizing that contentment is so much easier to achieve and isn't settling for less than happiness.  Contentment is happiness - it's saying I take the good and the bad and I'm ok, I accept that there is no such thing as perfect, this moment is enough.  Contentment doesn't mean you are just giving up and accepting your fate grudgingly - quite the opposite.  I just means you aren't going to be selfish with your emotions and decide that only joy is worth looking for.  That other emotions are less worthy of sitting with and fully experiencing.

The Dali Lama speaks of inner peace far more than he ever speaks about joy.  Inner peace is contentment.  In Buddhism, inner peace equals enlightenment which is what all Buddhist's are to be trying to achieve.

I think seeking joy is an exercise in disappointment.  Joy is fleeting - flighty.  Contentment can be carried with you even through harder times, because it's an acceptance that life isn't always going to be easy and fun, but it's ok and you'll get through and a knowledge that you have what you need to get you through.

Also, being content, is much easier than being joyful all the time....the world is full of people and events that will suck joy right out of you - sucking your inner peace and contentment out of you is much harder.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

So far today I cleaned the bathrooms, did 4 loads of laundry, dumped 4 loads of laundry on my bed as a "reminder" to put it away before I go to bed, washed the dishes (twice), picked up dog poop from the back yard, most of it frozen solid to the ground requiring kicking it with my boot to loosen it up, took out 2 bags of garbage, and a load of recycling, changed the cat litter, caught up some wor...k emails, vacuumed, made dinner, made a shepard's pie to freeze for another dinner, let the dog out 27 times, let the dog back in 27 times, ran on the treadmill, opened my daughter's bedroom door to look for dirty towels, closed my daughter's bedroom door in disgust, helped the boy write a letter to Mother Goose about the shody structural framework of the Three Pigs houses for his science homework and a write about what God wants from us for a religion project, despite me being a Buddhist, picked up dirty socks from my son's bedroom floor AND bathroom floor, AND from beneath the computer, saw Shawshank was on TV turned to it and walked away, hoping Cecilia would walk by think to herself "what's this?" and watch it....she didn't.....took chicken out for tomorrow's dinner which will likely not be eaten by Cecilia, watched an episode of Swamp Wars and one of J-Woww and Snooki, had a mad craving for junk food and placated it with 3 tbsps. of Cool Whip over blueberries and wished the blueberries were nachos covered in sour cream, and the Cool Whip was chocolate covered almonds, tried to download Sarah's Key to my TV, without success and realized I didn't have to because Cecilia changed her mind about watching it with me anyways...changed Sarah's Key to The Possession and hope I go to bed (after putting away the 4 loads of laundry on my bed) completely freaked and terrified......I really do love Saturdays, it's the only day of the week I can step on my kitchen floor without saying "eww what was that?"....and also the only day of the week Garyn's bathroom is safe for guests to use.....there is a sense of accomplishment in a...well let's not go as far as to say clean....but skimmed with a dust rag and somewhat decent looking house!.
Saturdays are busy and hectic, but I feel a sense of ownership over the day - like it's mine and I can do with it as I please.  For some reason when a day is mine, I get more done.  When it's scheduled for it, I feel like I have had no time and nothing has been done.  During the week, I stay just as busy, there is certainly less time to sit down - but I never feel like I'm getting anywhere.  Often I just sit down, I look at the clock and realize its bedtime.  So weekend's are nice, I like having a kitchen table you can eat off of and not have to clear away papers and folders and school projects just to have a bowl of cereal.
Yes. Weekend's are awesome. 

Saturday, January 19, 2013

I ordered these bracelets from  Actually, I ordered them at the beginning of December and paid the $10 and then started to complain that they were taking so long to get to me....which goes to show that I need these bracelets.  Now they are here and it makes writing a blog even harder than it was before because generally the entire purpose of a blog is to complain about stuff that irritates us bloggers.  So I will try to make this blog post more of a series of observations than a series of complaints, the difference, you will see, is a fine and often indistinguishable line.

Observation Number 1.  I have once again risen to the position of worlds most greatest, awesomest parent.  A title that you with small children might think is as easy to achieve as spreading chocolate chips in a smiley face configuration on a pancake, but I have teenagers.  They generally hate everything you do - I served collards greens with dinner one night, you would have thought I asked them to try snorting cocaine....I said "pretend you're Southern"....they said "that's racist Mum"...

The last time I patted myself on my back for parenting,  was when I graciously allowed Cecilia to attend her first boy/girl house party at night....after interrogating the boy hosting and his parents of course....she texts me about an hour after I dropped her off "thanks for trusting me enough to let me come".....I pictured her smoking weed and getting "philosophical" then....but she arrived home sober and not smelling like a Pearl Jam concert, so the pat on the back was earned.

Yesterday, Garyn came home from school wanting to go swimming, or rather diving; a sport he took up this Summer after watching the Olympics.....apparently he's hoping there is a cannonball category in diving because it appears to be his signature dive.  After the ingenious "Call your Dad and ask him to take you" didn't work, I reluctantly agreed to take him swimming today.  Its not that I don't like swimming - I don't like the post swimming sticky feeling and also public swimming pools are a cesspools of digustingation....a breeding ground for all things ending in ITIS....  I had already promised Garyn Wendy's for dinner today because Cecilia was going to be spending the day at the mall with friends.  Burger places are the entirety of Garyn's bucket list....before he dies, he must eat the largest burger on the menu of every place in the city....I figured I was on a roll.....he was adamant that both activities happen this weekend.

So, after wedging myself into my $250 miracle suit guaranteed to instantly shed 10 pounds (note: and shove it out your back) I propped my leg up on the bathroom sink and shaved the parts people would notice.....I dropped Cecilia off at the mall, and we headed to the Southland Leisure Centre.  Only we couldn't get near the parking lot due to some hockey then we decided to try the Trico Centre - which was also busy - and turns out, doesn't have a diving then we tried Acadia pool....also no diving board.....then we tried Canyon Meadows pool....diving board!...only....public swimming ended at 3:00 and it was 2:50.  Rather than get frustrated, I knew how important this was for Garyn so we decided to do Wendy's first.....he ordered the Baconator and I ordered a grilled chicken wrap, because I have watched Super Size Me and now can't stomach burgers and fries.....I finished mine in about 30 seconds.  Usually Garyn gets several reminders to "keep eating" because he's distracted by....well.....everything and eats very slowly.  Today I decided, we had lots of time to kill.....he took an hour.  One entire hour to eat one burger....but he was happy and chatting me up about his career plans to be the next You Tube sensation and about how Spider man got his start in life.  Finally we decided to try the Leisure Centre again....this time with success.  So then I spent the next two hours treading water while he perfected his cannon ball, pencil dive and back flip....each time swimming over to me to ask "did you see that?".  I don't understand the phenomena of water to kids.  Garyn is afraid of heights; it's often difficult for Fireman to get him on the chair lift at the ski hill.....but he'll grab a flimsy rope and fly through the air over deep water?....400 times in an hour!.....I can't complain though because during my 2 hour water torture.... I also noticed that he is courteous to others, and helpful to kids smaller than him.  He patiently waits his turn and always obeys the rules....but after two hours in the diving tank, my arms were exhausted from trying to keep my head above water and from pulling on my swimsuit to keep my boobs in and my butt cheeks covered....and my own patience is wearing thin....I said "let's go, we have to get Cecilia"...he says "thanks for letting me do this today".....I said "3 more dives, and then let's go"....I'm a sucker for gratitude...

Then after putting and tugging jeans on over sticky skin and treading barefoot over a floor that can only be described as a petri dish covered in tepid puddles of slimy water, from which I'm now convinced I'm suffering from ring worm and went to pick up Cecilia.  Once home, I placed a plate of food in front of her.....she pulled her ear buds out of her ears long enough to say "thanks, I guess".....clearly I'm unstoppable....

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I have a bit of writer's block lately around my book.  I'm thinking I need to give myself a break from it for a bit.  I think I just want to hurry and finish it, but I also want it to be a work of literary genius.  I think I'm asking for too much, I need to slow down and not worry about finishing, but just that I'm doing it.  I'm about halfway through the main story, now it's a matter of bringing back in characters introduced earlier in a meaningful way and wrapping things up with a good ending.  Endings are the hardest part.  Rarely do I read books with really good endings, and I read a LOT.  I will likely struggle most at the end.

I'm also concerned that some of my blog and FB readers will be disappointed in the result.  It's not exactly a comedy and I think they know me most as a comedic writer.  They are likely not expecting bitter sweet from me.  But they should.  It's been the theme of my life really.  I've swallowed lots of bitter, but always tried to keep a resilient, positive and humorous approach to life.

So I'm going to put the book project down over the holidays and just focus on having a good holiday with my family, whom I adore, and my amazing partner, Dexter.  We have some pretty awesome plans for the holidays and I'm looking forward to every moment of it. I'll get back at the writing after Christmas....Garyn and I will be starting training for the 5K we'll be doing in the Spring, - training usually gives me good head space to think about writing.  I have faith in my committment and ability......most days.

Merry Christmas to all of you and I hope you enjoy every moment of your holiday time no matter what you are doing or who you are doing it with!  Here's to a amazing 2013 for everyone!